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The Female World of Love and Ritual: Relations between Women in Nineteenth-Century America Carroll Smith-Rosenberg The female friendship of the nineteenth century, the long-lived intimate, loving friendship between two women, is an excellent example of the type of historical phenomena which most historians know something about, which few have thought much about, and which virtually no one has written about. It is one aspect of the female experience which consciously or unconsciously we have chosen to ignore. Yet an abundance of manuscript evidence suggests that eighteenth- and nineteenth-century women free sex chat line for ny formed emotional ties with other women. Such deeply felt, same-sex friendships were casualty accepted in American society. Indeed, from at least the late eighteenth through the nineteenth-century, a female world of varied and yet highly structured relationships appears to have been an essential aspect of American society.

They gossiped about beaux, incorporated each other into their own kinship systems, and attended and gave teas and balls together.

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Those two or three days so dark without, so bright with firelight and contentment within I shall always remember as proof that, for a time, at least - I fancy for meet24 flirt chat singles a long time - we might be sufficient for each other. Eleuthera went to the same school and became a close friend of the Smith girls and eventually married their first cousin.

These relationships ranged from the supportive love of sisters, through the enthusiasms of adolescent girls, to sensual avowals of love by mature women.

Although at first they may have wondered how marriage would affect their relationship, their affliction remained ameridan throughout their lives, underscored by their loneliness and their desire to be together. Women named their daughters after one another and sought to integrate dear friends into their lives after marriage.

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Sarah gorl jealous driendships Mary's other young woman friends. The exact nature of these crises is not completely clear, but it seems to have involved Molly's decision not to live with Helena, as they had originally planned, but to remain at home because of parental insistence. Molly Hallock's and Jeannie Fields's words, emotions, and experiences have direct parallels in the s and the s.

Older girls in boarding school "adopted" younger ones, who called them "Mother. Poet chat undeniably romantic and even sensual note frequently marked female relationships.

American girl friendships

Oh Jeannie. As on young bride wrote to an old friend shortly after her marriages: "I want to see you and talk with you and feel that we are united by the same bonds of sympathy and congeniality as ever. Two days before Jeannie's marriage Sarah, the in London, wrote desperately: "Dearest darling - How incessantly have I thought of you these eight days - all today - the entire uncertainty, the distance, the long silence - are all new features in my separation from you, grevious to be borne Within such a world of emotional free sex chat newark ca and complexity devotion to arid love of other women became a possible and socially accepted form of human interaction.

Only sickness of great geographic distance was allowed to cause extended separation. Something of this sympathy and love between mothers and daughters is evident in a letter Sarah Alden Ripley, at age sixty-nine, wrote her youngest and recently married daughter: "You do not know how much I miss you, not only when I struggle in and out of my mortal envelop and pump my nightly potation and no longer pour into your sympathizing ear my senile gossip, buy all the day I muse away, since the sound of your voice no longer rouses me to sympathy with your joys or sorrows A generation earlier a young Massachusetts farm woman filled s of her diary with her grief american bully seattle the death of her "dearest friend" and transcribed the letters of condolence other women sent her.

That led to the creation of the main show, Magical Girl Friendship Squad. Continuity, not discontinuity, characterized this female world. Intense bonds of love and intimacy bound together those women who, offering each other aid and sympathy, shared such stressful moments.

20 female friendships that changed history

Friendships and intimacies followed the biological ebb and flow of women's lives. When husbands traveled, wives routinely moved in with other women, invited women friends to teas and suppers, sat together comparing the letters they had received from other close women friends.

ON the contrary, this sample of families indicates that the normal relationship between mother and daughter was on of sympathy and understanding. These bonds were often physical as well as emotional.

American girl friendships

Reception[ edit ] Reception to the show has been mostly negative. You cannot know how much I miss your affectionate demonstrations.

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My dearest love to you wherever and wherever you are. These two friendships, intense, loving, and openly avowed, began during the women's adolescence and, despite subsequent marriages and geographic separation, continued throughout their lives.

American girl friendships

I'm going to going hang on to your skirts As long as the mother's domestic role remained relatively stable and few viable alternatives competed with it, chat room kamloops tended to accept their mother's world and to turn automatically to older women for support and intimacy. When a young man begin to court this friend seriously, Katie commented in her diary that she had never realized "how deeply I loved Eng and how fully.

What if friendship, not marriage, was at the center of life?

Sisters-in-law visited each other and, in some families, seemed to spend more time with each other than with their husbands. Only by thus altering our approach will we be metric position to evaluate the appropriateness of particular dynamic interpretations. To me it seems to have been a closer union than that of most marriages. This is especially true since historians, influenced by Freud's libidinal theory, have discussed these relationships almost exclusively virtual tile context of individual psychosexual developments or, to be more explicit, psychopathology.

I have a very great friendship for several Girls yet it dont give me so much uneasiness at being absent from them as from thee Intimate friendships between men and men and women and women existed in a xmerican world of social relations health chat rooms social values. Their letters and diaries indicate that women's sphere had an essential integrity and dignity that grew out of women's shared experiences and mutual affection and that, despite the profound changes which affected American social structure and institutions between the s and the s, retained a constancy and predictablity.

My darling how I long for the time when I shall see you So she has told me all her loves and tried to get some confidences in return but being five or six years older than she, I know better. Rather, she devoted her energies on two tasks: mastering new domestic skills and participating in the visiting and frienndships activities necessary to finding a husband.

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Women frequently spent their days within the social confines of such extended families. I shall see you soon and be content. Is it not tile historian's first task to explore tile social structure and the world view which made intense and sometime sensitive female love both it possible and an acceptable emotional option? I have that delightful feeling that it doesn't matter much what I say or how I say it, since we shall meet so soon and forget in that moment that we were ever separated Boys were obviously indispensable to the elaborate courtship ritual friendshhips engaged in.

American girl friendships

In their diaries and letters giel wrote of the joy and contentment they felt in each others' company, their sense of isolation and despair when apart. No man wrote or visited Sophie to offer sympathy at her father's death.

When Nelly Parke Custis Lewis rushed to nurse her daughter who was critically ill while away at school, Nelly received support, not from her husband, who remained on their plantation, but from her old school friend, Elizabeth Bordley. They are found throughout the letters of criendships thirty-five families studied.

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They wrote secret missives to each other, spent long solitary days with each other, curled together in bed at night to whisper fantasies and secrets. Such deeply felt, same-sex friendships were casualty accepted in American society.

Theirs was all emotional world to which he had little access. The tone luxembourg xxx live chat the letters which Molly wrote to Helena changed over these years from "My dear Helena," and ed "your attached friend," to "My dearest Helena," "My Dearest," " Beloved," and ed "Thine always" or "thine Molly.

Elizabeth aided Nelly in caring for her dying daughter, cared for Nelly's other children, played a major role in the elaborate funeral arrangements which the father did not attendand frequently visited the girl's grave at the mother's request. During two subsequent years spent together in boarding school, they formed a deep and intimate relationship. Sarah Butler Wister first met Jeannie Field Musgrove while vacationing with her family at Stockbridge, Massachusetts, in the summer of Certainly Molly and Helena were lovers - emotionally if not physically.

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